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'The Universe of Arnae'

The Universe of Arnae

- Chapter 13 – Day 6 – Part 4
  June 4, 2019Book 1 / Chapter 13 / Chapters Chapter 26 MAZ – The Vision of the Middle Pillar. Arrow. The Mystery Of Atheism.1 – “How can I escape this bitter Destiny. From one side the light that touches my face ... From the other the shadow that envelops me in its embrace ... And since I don’t know how to live without the light, or how to survive without the shadow, everything in me is tearing apart, reducing me to an amorphous tired bundle of a person.” Part 2 I woke up with the impression I’d cried the entire night and, in the next second, my confused mind told me I was late. Only when I sat up, hurrying to get ready for school, and pain washed over my entire body, did I remember what had happened the day before, and that because of that no one would allow me set foot outside. I took a deep breath, checking the hours, and was surprised to see it was past eleven. With no hope of finding him there, I still checked the place where Gabriel had been sitting. I remembered waking up the middle of the night and seeing him there, watching me silently. But now I was alone, once more, and I couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed when I couldn’t even feel his presence in the house. However, by the time I finished getting dressed, I’d already decided that this wasn’t all that bad, as well. I was obviously in need of some alone-slash-reflecting-time, and near him my mind was mostly blank or terrified. My gaze fell on the small golden ring, lying beside my pillow, and I decided I might as well find it a chain and wear it around my neck, since it would fall from any of my fingers. I tucked it inside my blouse, the cold of the metal against my skin making me shiver, and left the room to go downstairs, glad that, even though my muscles still ached, it was nothing even closer to the torture that had accompanied me the day before. I went straight to the living room, from where I’d heard voices and, as soon as I appeared at the door, Jonathan grew immediately quiet. Still I tried to read his face, see if he still hadn’t forgiven me, but he just stared right through me. “Mari! Good Morning! How are you feeling?” I put on a smile for Alexander, who stood up from the couch as if to see me better. “Morning. I’m fine. No need to worry,” I replied, even though I knew he wouldn’t believe me. “Izrail went to meet Lea. As it seems, the cat found the place where Telane has been hiding,” he reported, although I hadn’t even asked, and I couldn’t help feeling apprehensive. After the night before, I had become even more aware of the kind of power a Shedim possessed. And I could hardly imagine what would happen if two like Gabriel were to face each other in a real combat. “Think they’ll be back for lunch? I was about to make us something to eat,” I said and Alexander seemed to study me for a moment, but if he did reach any conclusions, he chose not to share it. “I’ll let them know. I’m sure the cat will be thrilled.” I smiled, imagining Lea’s bright eyes as he jumped up and down all over the kitchen. I hadn’t seen him since he’d left us to chase Telane and, although I knew he was okay, especially now with Gabriel beside him, I still couldn’t stop worrying. It was ridiculous, I grumbled in my head as I went to the kitchen, since he was no child at all and much stronger and capable than I would ever be. The kitchen was immersed in silence and I immediately missed the voices that usually filled it. I stuck my head in the freezer and checked its contents. Once more our provisions were dwindling and I made a mental note about the need for a quick stop by the supermarket the next day or so. I took a piece of veal, perfect for what I had in mind, and seasoned it with lemon juice, salt and pepper. I added some chopped garlic and sprinkled it with thyme and oregano, and, after adding a generous amount of olive oil, slid it into the oven. I would serve it with some salted vegetables, I decided. But I would still have to make some fries, since Lea always made a face every time I told him to eat his veggies. Fries would be my trading chip, I planned with a smile as I peeled the potatoes. The sound of the front door bell left me intrigued. I didn’t recall anyone ever ringing my door bell ever since Rachel had returned to Paris. And so, I put down the knife and went to the door, warning Alexander not to worry as I passed by the living room. The bell rang again, persistently, and I slightly ran to get it. “All right, all ready! I’m coming!” I warned, turning the key and, as soon as the latch unlocked, the door opened with such violence that I had to take a step back so it wouldn’t hit me. I took a hand to my chest, trying to still my heart from the scare I’d caught, and looked back at him in complete disbelief. “Mari! I need to talk to you!” Michael blurted out, obviously distressed about something, and stepped into the house without even being invited. And yet, two steps after, his body was completely frozen, his anxious expression changing into one of utter shock, fear even, and then growing darker and more frightening as his green eyes glowed threateningly. “Him! He’s here, isn’t he?” he asked me in a harsh, angry tone, and I blinked, completely stunned. With a fast movement, Michael grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me outside the house, making me stumble to accompany his fast, furious pace. I ran, and stumbled again, too confused to react as he dragged me down the street, towards a small parking lot not far from there. And then, it suddenly came to me, and I felt wretched inside. The promise we had made, the afternoon I had agreed to spend with him, the birthday I had wanted to celebrate. I had forgotten all about it. My mind had been so far from all that, I hadn’t even remembered it when Gabriel had mentioned his name. “Michael ...” I started, trying to apologize, knowing that what I’d done was unforgivable, that he had every reason in the world to be angry at me, and he pulled me even harder. “Just shut up! Do you know you even smell like him!” The harshness of his usually gentle voice left me wordless. He stopped near the place where he’d left his bike ... more broken promises, I thought, as he released my wrist to get on it. “Come on! What are you waiting for?” he demanded, still angry, and I finally understood that he expected me to leave with him. I instinctively took a step back, holding my wrist that still hurt, and shook my head. I knew better than anyone that it was too dangerous being alone like this. It was like asking Telane to find me and finish what she had started two days ago. But, above that, right then, I didn’t want to be alone with him. His fierce, almost crazed, expression scared me. I didn’t know that Michael at all. And my silent refusal seemed to only make him angrier, his hands closing into tight fists that shook under the strength of his own grip. “Why is he here?” he asked accusingly, raising his voice, and I cringed instinctively. His voice almost sounded like a thunder echoing across the skies. “He?” I replied, still too perplexed by all that to react accordingly, and a deep frown marked his forehead. “I saw you yesterday, Mari! At school! Who do you think you’re fooling?” My heart jumped at that. He’d seen us? How? And if he’d seen us, what else had he seen? “Michael, it’s not what you’re thinking,” I tried to explain, appealing to his comprehension, above all trying to appease him, but it all had the opposite effect. “And how do you know what I’m thinking? Why didn’t you tell me that he was back? Better yet! How long has he been there, stuck in the same house as you, without even going to school?” I blinked, incredulous of the direction our talk was taking and, somehow, I felt more relaxed. “Gabriel is only passing by,” I assured him, even though the mere possibility of my words being true made me sick to my stomach, and he frowned again. “Passing by!” He spit the words with scorn. “I saw you together! In each other’s arms! I reckon that you spent the afternoon with him! And to think that, even after that, I still waited for you. That I still believed you’d be back. I’ve been nothing but understanding up till now! Trying to accept that distorted relationship you two have. Trying to respect your doubts and insecurities. And what for, since it’s obvious I’m losing you to him!” “Michael!” I shouted above his voice and was gasping for air the instant after. I felt terrible, and guilty, and the worst Human Being on Earth for having hurt him like that. But, above all, because what had lead me to shout like hadn’t been his pain or his despair, but my fear that his words could fulfill the terms of the Contract. And not because I was afraid to uphold my part, but because that was the only bound that truly united Gabriel and I. “I am sorry for yesterday. I truly am.” I told him in complete honesty, my voice breaking halfway, and did my best to face his furious but deeply hurt green eyes. “But everything else ... it’s just crazy stuff from your head.” Shaking inside, I told myself I was not trying to deceive him, while my darker voice laughed mockingly at my lie. He stood up, seeming calmer, and took two steps in my direction. And even though that was Michael, the Michael I loved and trusted implicitly, I still had to make a real effort to just stand there, and not step back in order to keep the distance. “Prove it!” It took me some time to understand the true meaning of his words and my heart beat hard against my chest, making me look away in hopes of escaping that command. “Michael …” “Prove it!” he repeated, cutting me off, and his hands held me by the shoulders, pulling me roughly. I couldn’t breathe and reflexively pushed him with all my strength, my shaking hands on his chest, but he didn’t move an inch. The warm hands that covered my shoulders hurt me, his fingers digging into my skin, and I groaned in pain knowing I’d never be strong enough to free myself from his grip. “Let her go!” That voice, although spoken in what could be considered a normal tone, echoed all around us in a heavy, dark threat, putting everything to a stop. Michael raised his head, looking surprised, and his hands automatically lost their strength, ending up releasing me. Before I could react, an arm was across my chest and I was pulled back against a firm, warm body. “You are ... that friend of his,” Michael murmured. The tension around us made me shudder. “That’s right. And you! You don’t have the right to even come close to her!” Alexander replied, murderous intent dripping from his every single word. Michael stood silent, looking at me with a mix of pain and regret, making my heart hurt as well. Alexander took a deep breath and released me. “However, because Mari worries about you, I’ll tell you what happened. Gabriel and I came back yesterday. His mother, Mari’s aunt, passed away last Sunday. The family thought it best if we gave Mari the news in peson. And so we met her at school. Mari wasn’t feeling well afterwards, and so we brought her home.” He spoke in a monotonous, obviously annoyed tone, and placed a warm hand on my head as if to comfort me. I couldn’t even feel outraged at the stream of lies flowing out of his lips. “Since she wasn’t feeling all that great, I gave her a sleeping pill, and she just woke up an hour ago. And now! After all she’s been trough, you still come here with this kind of shit?” He was back to his furious mode and Michael winced, as if he’d been really hit. “Alexander! Please,” I begged. I was the one at fault. I was the one who had hurt him. I didn’t want to see him suffer anymore, much less for a bunch of ridiculous lies. Alexander looked down at me for a second, and then looked away, almost pouting, but didn’t say another word. I looked back at Michael, at his guilty and confused expression. I could still clearly remember his bright smile when he’d shown me his new bike, inviting me to spend the afternoon together. I swallowed my sobbing that would only lead to a tearless crying, and made my lips smile, making sure I kept my emotions under control and that I kept facing him, even as hard as it now was just looking at him. “I am really sorry,” I told him in all honesty. “I know how important yesterday was for you, and I do wish I could have spent it with you.” I felt sad and disappointed at myself, and he lowered his head. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I ...” His shoulders shook and then he was turning away and getting on his bike, sliding the helmet over his head. “Michael! Wait!” I called out to him, desperately trying to reach him. I couldn’t let him go like that, as if things had been broken between us. How could I possibly fix that? But Alexander held my hand, pulling me back, and then his bike was already roaring even before he released the brake, and he sped out of the parking lot and down the road, leaving me behind, empty and cold. “Let him go, Mari,” Alexander told me as I watched him go. There was nothing else I could do. The pain, however, was all mine to bear and I sobbed bitterly, not even one single tear obeying my sorrow. Childishly enough I was angry with my own Soul! How could she just watch him go like that and do nothing! And feel nothing when I was in so much pain. And then my usual defense mechanism turned on and everything inside me was quiet, still and unfeeling for as long as I could keep my mind like that, completely blank. It was in that almost apathetic state that I returned home with Alexander by my side. I heard him ask me for forgiveness for not having arrived earlier. And somewhere I knew I should thank him, but the words were lost inside of me. As soon as he opened the door I could smell burning, and I went straight to the kitchen to see Jonathan surrounded by a cloud of gray smoke. “I’m really sorry! When I noticed it was already too late! And I don’t really know how to use these things,” he said, sounding strangely flustered. I didn’t know what was stranger; that he was talking to me or that he could show that kind of expression, but I didn’t care either way. “It’s fine. No big deal,” I told him, looking at my scorched veal. “What now?” he asked, sounding genuinely worried, and I shrugged. “Throw it away,” I replied and turned away, feeling Alexander’s gaze following me as I went up to my room. For a moment I almost expected to see him there, looking at me with his mocking smile, and an ironic sneer touched my lips. Even then, even in that kind of situation, after all that had just happened, in the end my mind turned towards Gabriel. With a sigh I went to the place where he usually sat, on the floor, and sat down. I recalled Steph’s words and buried my forehead on my knees. She’d been right all along. I wanted them both and, not surprisingly, the only thing that could come out of something like that was pain and suffering. I couldn’t even think about things like having to choose one, even though that would probably mean that I would end up losing both. After all, Gabriel wasn’t even Human. Previous Chapter Next Chapter [DISPLAY_ULTIMATE_SOCIAL_ICONS]... Read more...
- Epilogue
  May 31, 2019Book 1 / Chapters Chapter 26 MAZ – The Vision of the Middle Pillar. Arrow. The Mystery Of Atheism.1 – “How can I escape this bitter Destiny. From one side the light that touches my face ... From the other the shadow that envelops me in its embrace ... And since I don’t know how to live without the light, or how to survive without the shadow, everything in me is tearing apart, reducing me to an amorphous tired bundle of a person.” Part 2 I woke up with the impression I’d cried the entire night and, in the next second, my confused mind told me I was late. Only when I sat up, hurrying to get ready for school, and pain washed over my entire body, did I remember what had happened the day before, and that because of that no one would allow me set foot outside. I took a deep breath, checking the hours, and was surprised to see it was past eleven. With no hope of finding him there, I still checked the place where Gabriel had been sitting. I remembered waking up the middle of the night and seeing him there, watching me silently. But now I was alone, once more, and I couldn’t help feeling a bit disappointed when I couldn’t even feel his presence in the house. However, by the time I finished getting dressed, I’d already decided that this wasn’t all that bad, as well. I was obviously in need of some alone-slash-reflecting-time, and near him my mind was mostly blank or terrified. My gaze fell on the small golden ring, lying beside my pillow, and I decided I might as well find it a chain and wear it around my neck, since it would fall from any of my fingers. I tucked it inside my blouse, the cold of the metal against my skin making me shiver, and left the room to go downstairs, glad that, even though my muscles still ached, it was nothing even closer to the torture that had accompanied me the day before. I went straight to the living room, from where I’d heard voices and, as soon as I appeared at the door, Jonathan grew immediately quiet. Still I tried to read his face, see if he still hadn’t forgiven me, but he just stared right through me. “Mari! Good Morning! How are you feeling?” I put on a smile for Alexander, who stood up from the couch as if to see me better. “Morning. I’m fine. No need to worry,” I replied, even though I knew he wouldn’t believe me. “Izrail went to meet Lea. As it seems, the cat found the place where Telane has been hiding,” he reported, although I hadn’t even asked, and I couldn’t help feeling apprehensive. After the night before, I had become even more aware of the kind of power a Shedim possessed. And I could hardly imagine what would happen if two like Gabriel were to face each other in a real combat. “Think they’ll be back for lunch? I was about to make us something to eat,” I said and Alexander seemed to study me for a moment, but if he did reach any conclusions, he chose not to share it. “I’ll let them know. I’m sure the cat will be thrilled.” I smiled, imagining Lea’s bright eyes as he jumped up and down all over the kitchen. I hadn’t seen him since he’d left us to chase Telane and, although I knew he was okay, especially now with Gabriel beside him, I still couldn’t stop worrying. It was ridiculous, I grumbled in my head as I went to the kitchen, since he was no child at all and much stronger and capable than I would ever be. The kitchen was immersed in silence and I immediately missed the voices that usually filled it. I stuck my head in the freezer and checked its contents. Once more our provisions were dwindling and I made a mental note about the need for a quick stop by the supermarket the next day or so. I took a piece of veal, perfect for what I had in mind, and seasoned it with lemon juice, salt and pepper. I added some chopped garlic and sprinkled it with thyme and oregano, and, after adding a generous amount of olive oil, slid it into the oven. I would serve it with some salted vegetables, I decided. But I would still have to make some fries, since Lea always made a face every time I told him to eat his veggies. Fries would be my trading chip, I planned with a smile as I peeled the potatoes. The sound of the front door bell left me intrigued. I didn’t recall anyone ever ringing my door bell ever since Rachel had returned to Paris. And so, I put down the knife and went to the door, warning Alexander not to worry as I passed by the living room. The bell rang again, persistently, and I slightly ran to get it. “All right, all ready! I’m coming!” I warned, turning the key and, as soon as the latch unlocked, the door opened with such violence that I had to take a step back so it wouldn’t hit me. I took a hand to my chest, trying to still my heart from the scare I’d caught, and looked back at him in complete disbelief. “Mari! I need to talk to you!” Michael blurted out, obviously distressed about something, and stepped into the house without even being invited. And yet, two steps after, his body was completely frozen, his anxious expression changing into one of utter shock, fear even, and then growing darker and more frightening as his green eyes glowed threateningly. “Him! He’s here, isn’t he?” he asked me in a harsh, angry tone, and I blinked, completely stunned. With a fast movement, Michael grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me outside the house, making me stumble to accompany his fast, furious pace. I ran, and stumbled again, too confused to react as he dragged me down the street, towards a small parking lot not far from there. And then, it suddenly came to me, and I felt wretched inside. The promise we had made, the afternoon I had agreed to spend with him, the birthday I had wanted to celebrate. I had forgotten all about it. My mind had been so far from all that, I hadn’t even remembered it when Gabriel had mentioned his name. “Michael ...” I started, trying to apologize, knowing that what I’d done was unforgivable, that he had every reason in the world to be angry at me, and he pulled me even harder. “Just shut up! Do you know you even smell like him!” The harshness of his usually gentle voice left me wordless. He stopped near the place where he’d left his bike ... more broken promises, I thought, as he released my wrist to get on it. “Come on! What are you waiting for?” he demanded, still angry, and I finally understood that he expected me to leave with him. I instinctively took a step back, holding my wrist that still hurt, and shook my head. I knew better than anyone that it was too dangerous being alone like this. It was like asking Telane to find me and finish what she had started two days ago. But, above that, right then, I didn’t want to be alone with him. His fierce, almost crazed, expression scared me. I didn’t know that Michael at all. And my silent refusal seemed to only make him angrier, his hands closing into tight fists that shook under the strength of his own grip. “Why is he here?” he asked accusingly, raising his voice, and I cringed instinctively. His voice almost sounded like a thunder echoing across the skies. “He?” I replied, still too perplexed by all that to react accordingly, and a deep frown marked his forehead. “I saw you yesterday, Mari! At school! Who do you think you’re fooling?” My heart jumped at that. He’d seen us? How? And if he’d seen us, what else had he seen? “Michael, it’s not what you’re thinking,” I tried to explain, appealing to his comprehension, above all trying to appease him, but it all had the opposite effect. “And how do you know what I’m thinking? Why didn’t you tell me that he was back? Better yet! How long has he been there, stuck in the same house as you, without even going to school?” I blinked, incredulous of the direction our talk was taking and, somehow, I felt more relaxed. “Gabriel is only passing by,” I assured him, even though the mere possibility of my words being true made me sick to my stomach, and he frowned again. “Passing by!” He spit the words with scorn. “I saw you together! In each other’s arms! I reckon that you spent the afternoon with him! And to think that, even after that, I still waited for you. That I still believed you’d be back. I’ve been nothing but understanding up till now! Trying to accept that distorted relationship you two have. Trying to respect your doubts and insecurities. And what for, since it’s obvious I’m losing you to him!” “Michael!” I shouted above his voice and was gasping for air the instant after. I felt terrible, and guilty, and the worst Human Being on Earth for having hurt him like that. But, above all, because what had lead me to shout like hadn’t been his pain or his despair, but my fear that his words could fulfill the terms of the Contract. And not because I was afraid to uphold my part, but because that was the only bound that truly united Gabriel and I. “I am sorry for yesterday. I truly am.” I told him in complete honesty, my voice breaking halfway, and did my best to face his furious but deeply hurt green eyes. “But everything else ... it’s just crazy stuff from your head.” Shaking inside, I told myself I was not trying to deceive him, while my darker voice laughed mockingly at my lie. He stood up, seeming calmer, and took two steps in my direction. And even though that was Michael, the Michael I loved and trusted implicitly, I still had to make a real effort to just stand there, and not step back in order to keep the distance. “Prove it!” It took me some time to understand the true meaning of his words and my heart beat hard against my chest, making me look away in hopes of escaping that command. “Michael …” “Prove it!” he repeated, cutting me off, and his hands held me by the shoulders, pulling me roughly. I couldn’t breathe and reflexively pushed him with all my strength, my shaking hands on his chest, but he didn’t move an inch. The warm hands that covered my shoulders hurt me, his fingers digging into my skin, and I groaned in pain knowing I’d never be strong enough to free myself from his grip. “Let her go!” That voice, although spoken in what could be considered a normal tone, echoed all around us in a heavy, dark threat, putting everything to a stop. Michael raised his head, looking surprised, and his hands automatically lost their strength, ending up releasing me. Before I could react, an arm was across my chest and I was pulled back against a firm, warm body. “You are ... that friend of his,” Michael murmured. The tension around us made me shudder. “That’s right. And you! You don’t have the right to even come close to her!” Alexander replied, murderous intent dripping from his every single word. Michael stood silent, looking at me with a mix of pain and regret, making my heart hurt as well. Alexander took a deep breath and released me. “However, because Mari worries about you, I’ll tell you what happened. Gabriel and I came back yesterday. His mother, Mari’s aunt, passed away last Sunday. The family thought it best if we gave Mari the news in peson. And so we met her at school. Mari wasn’t feeling well afterwards, and so we brought her home.” He spoke in a monotonous, obviously annoyed tone, and placed a warm hand on my head as if to comfort me. I couldn’t even feel outraged at the stream of lies flowing out of his lips. “Since she wasn’t feeling all that great, I gave her a sleeping pill, and she just woke up an hour ago. And now! After all she’s been trough, you still come here with this kind of shit?” He was back to his furious mode and Michael winced, as if he’d been really hit. “Alexander! Please,” I begged. I was the one at fault. I was the one who had hurt him. I didn’t want to see him suffer anymore, much less for a bunch of ridiculous lies. Alexander looked down at me for a second, and then looked away, almost pouting, but didn’t say another word. I looked back at Michael, at his guilty and confused expression. I could still clearly remember his bright smile when he’d shown me his new bike, inviting me to spend the afternoon together. I swallowed my sobbing that would only lead to a tearless crying, and made my lips smile, making sure I kept my emotions under control and that I kept facing him, even as hard as it now was just looking at him. “I am really sorry,” I told him in all honesty. “I know how important yesterday was for you, and I do wish I could have spent it with you.” I felt sad and disappointed at myself, and he lowered his head. “No, I’m the one who’s sorry. I ...” His shoulders shook and then he was turning away and getting on his bike, sliding the helmet over his head. “Michael! Wait!” I called out to him, desperately trying to reach him. I couldn’t let him go like that, as if things had been broken between us. How could I possibly fix that? But Alexander held my hand, pulling me back, and then his bike was already roaring even before he released the brake, and he sped out of the parking lot and down the road, leaving me behind, empty and cold. “Let him go, Mari,” Alexander told me as I watched him go. There was nothing else I could do. The pain, however, was all mine to bear and I sobbed bitterly, not even one single tear obeying my sorrow. Childishly enough I was angry with my own Soul! How could she just watch him go like that and do nothing! And feel nothing when I was in so much pain. And then my usual defense mechanism turned on and everything inside me was quiet, still and unfeeling for as long as I could keep my mind like that, completely blank. It was in that almost apathetic state that I returned home with Alexander by my side. I heard him ask me for forgiveness for not having arrived earlier. And somewhere I knew I should thank him, but the words were lost inside of me. As soon as he opened the door I could smell burning, and I went straight to the kitchen to see Jonathan surrounded by a cloud of gray smoke. “I’m really sorry! When I noticed it was already too late! And I don’t really know how to use these things,” he said, sounding strangely flustered. I didn’t know what was stranger; that he was talking to me or that he could show that kind of expression, but I didn’t care either way. “It’s fine. No big deal,” I told him, looking at my scorched veal. “What now?” he asked, sounding genuinely worried, and I shrugged. “Throw it away,” I replied and turned away, feeling Alexander’s gaze following me as I went up to my room. For a moment I almost expected to see him there, looking at me with his mocking smile, and an ironic sneer touched my lips. Even then, even in that kind of situation, after all that had just happened, in the end my mind turned towards Gabriel. With a sigh I went to the place where he usually sat, on the floor, and sat down. I recalled Steph’s words and buried my forehead on my knees. She’d been right all along. I wanted them both and, not surprisingly, the only thing that could come out of something like that was pain and suffering. I couldn’t even think about things like having to choose one, even though that would probably mean that I would end up losing both. After all, Gabriel wasn’t even Human. Previous Chapter Next Chapter [DISPLAY_ULTIMATE_SOCIAL_ICONS]... Read more...
- Chapter 13 – Day 6 – Part 6
  May 31, 2019Book 1 / Chapter 13 / Chapters Chapter 27 PAZ – The Marriage of Yod and He. The common Tibetan Symbol. The Seer identifies himself with it.1 – “And, even surrounded by despair, the joy that fills me inflates my being and feeds my life ... However, I know all too well that reality is quite different, and that what I now feel are nothing but cruel, passing illusions of a life pulled away from its Destiny.” "What are you doing there, sitting on the floor?” I raised my head and blinked, not knowing if I was dreaming or awake. Gabriel was right in front of me, sitting on my bed, as if he’d been watching me for quite some time. His face was an indecipherable mask, his velvet tone sounding dry and restrained. I asked myself how long he’d been sitting there. I had the feeling I’d fallen asleep. I looked out the window in search of some reference, but the day outside was still bright. I shrugged, answering his questions. I didn’t want to talk, or think, certain that the sound of my own voice would bring everything back, breaking the quietness and stillness inside me. If I could stay like this, I felt I could pretend I still had my eyes closed, forgetting myself so I wouldn’t be able to feel. “Until when are you going to stay there?” he insisted and I watched him in silence. Although his expression seemed serene and indifferent, something in his eyes and in the way he spoke told me otherwise. My lack of response seemed to worsen his bad mood, and a small crease marked the perfect skin of his forehead. “You still smell like him!” he accused me, dryly, and the wave of pain that washed over me, together with how ridiculous everything really was, left me on the brink of despair; and so I laughed, knowing I could never cry. Gabriel sat in silence, watching me with his serious expression until my laughter started to die out. My throat hurt, as though I’d been screaming for hours, and I faced him, running a cold, moist hand over my scalding face. “Did you know he told me the exact same thing?” I asked and my voice sounded harsh, and broken. I smiled sarcastically and rested my head on my hand. “He also told me I smelled like you, and searched for you like a mad man, as if you could be hiding in my shadow.” Gabriel seemed to try to control his bad temper and closed his hands into tight fists over his legs. “Sigweardiel told me what happened,” he confessed. “And?” He looked away and frowned. “That pain that consumes you ... annoys me!” I smiled briefly at his comment, lost between pain, and sadness, and happiness. “Seeing you there, because of him, makes me want to do something drastic, something that would replace him inside of you.” “You want even my pain to be because of you? I thought you wanted me to smile,” I argued and he seemed to struggle with the idea. “And I do. But if that’s not possible, then I’d rather that even in pain you’ll think only of me,” he told me roughly. “Michael is important to me,” I declared in a small voice and saw him clench his teeth. “He’s the reason why you’re here.” “That means ...” His voice broke, hesitantly, and I forced myself to stop being a coward, at least in front of him. “That I love him, yes,” I completed and the air around us became heavier, showing just how much those words had enraged him. “It hurts me to know that I hurt him. I feel sad, knowing that I’m the reason of his sadness. He used to be so bright, and now ... and I feel like it was me, who stole his light.” “Then is it because of the Contract? Is that the reason why you’re here, and not there? With him?” he asked in an icy murmur, refusing to look at me, and that sharp pain pierced my chest again. “No, not anymore,” I whispered, but it looked like he didn’t hear me. “If you want to be with him, just go!” he told me, raising his voice, and the glass of the windows shook as if about to break. Gabriel took a deep breath, resting his forehead on the tips of his fingers and seemed to focus on controlling the intensity of his presence that, even from where he sat, already had me shivering. The shadow his bent body had become left a bitter taste in my mouth. I felt him alone again, and that idea was like a dagger piercing my heart. Because, in the end, he was always alone, even when surrounded by those who knew him, like Lea and Alexander. Constantly restraining himself, constantly tying himself up from the inside out, in a dark place where no one could ever reach him, for hundreds of years. I stood up, using the wall behind me for support, and went to him in slow steps, waiting, at any moment, for a more brusque reaction. And yet he didn’t even move, and I couldn’t help thinking how much he looked like a Human on the brink of despair. I recalled other moments when I’d wished I could hug him and comfort him. Back then I couldn’t even get close to him, my own existence rejecting his. But now everything had changed. I slid my fingers between his soft, dark hair and he seemed even quieter. Although I couldn’t stop trembling, I pulled him close, until his head was against my stomach, surprised at how easily he allowed my hand to guide him, and took a deep breath. “I’m exactly where I want to be,” I said without a shadow of a doubt and that certainty actually made me feel more relaxed. “And the Contract ... the Contract is the only thing that binds us together, and the reason why you’re here. And if I don’t want it to be fulfilled, it’s because you would probably leave afterwards,” I added, drawing small, soft circles with the tips of my fingers on his head. “And what if you had to choose?” he asked, his velvet voice sounding muffled, and I was instantly frozen in place. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t asked myself that same question, certain that he would end up asking it, but until that point, I was yet to reach an acceptable answer. “That is impossible for me,” I confessed openly. “Because I’m not Human? I thought about it for a moment. I couldn’t deny the weight that that had, and how much the differences between us pulled us apart. But I still wasn’t sure it would be any easier to choose if he were just another one of my schoolmates. “I don’t know.” He raised his head, making me release him from my touch, and I was dazed, for a moment, lost in the perfection of his face. “Are you angry? Annoyed? Sad?” “Happy ... because you’re here.” I smiled at his answer, and touched his face, sliding my fingers over his soft, cold skin. He closed his eyes, like I’d seen him do to feel the rain, and I traced the perfect lines of his face, as if I were the one molding that perfect statue. The complete absence of any imperfections made his skin totally inhuman and, if it weren’t for the electrical sensation that tingled in my fingers, I could have sworn that there was no life inside him. I drew his ears, lost in their anatomical perfection, and traced the thin cords that were the muscles of his neck, detecting a light slow, beating rhythm from far away. “Your skin ... is so strange,” I murmured, noticing that the texture was always the same, and Gabriel smiled, opening his eyes to look at me. “Strange is the feeling of your touch.” I immediately pulled my hands away, suddenly aware of what I’d just done, and he laughed. “It’s only because I’ve been curious about it for a long time now!” I claimed in my defense, completely flustered. “I didn’t mean anything special!” “But it was special ... for me. I don’t remember anyone ever touching me, unless they were trying to destroy me.” I faced him seriously, knowing that he was referring to the other Deiwos, and he smiled again. “Ah, except Lea, of course.” “And other Humans?” I asked and immediately condemned the true source of that question, hurriedly trying to disguise it. “I mean, everyone at school, they didn’t have any problems being close to you, unlike me, that can’t stop shaking.” “Mostly coerced cold and distant touches that want more than they’re willing to give. Yes, I’ve had plenty of those,” he said. “But, when left on their own, Humans tend to avoid me, just as much as I avoid them. They’re too frail and complicated.” I stood silent, avoiding saying anything else for fear that I’d end up saying what I didn’t want to say. “Before Lea came to me, there were times when I spent my days in the Human world. I was young and in search of something that could fill the emptiness inside me, something that would pose a challenge, since everyone seemed to fear me and, for that reason, avoid me. At least Humans, when properly influenced, can even treat me as their equal. And here no one knew who I was, and I could easily play with their stupidity and innocence. Two words and a smile were enough to make them forget their own primal instincts, and they would walk and talk with me, completely oblivious of my true nature. I even ended up spending a couple of Human lives here, helping ones and harming others, as if the world were no more than a huge doll house. And, obviously, I had many lovers, whom I freely manipulated according to my desires, using them as pawns in my games. However, none of the ones I allowed to touch me lasted for long.” Once more I felt him looking for a reaction from me, as if what he’d just told me was just another test to my persistence. “Although to them such actions could be seen as expressions of affection, I always felt as if something, somehow inferior to me, had just touched me,” he explained. “And the way they always lost themselves in my arms, always wanting more, unable to think, trying to find new ways to seduce me, it made me want to kill them, certain that afterwards I’d be able to enjoy some blessed quiet moments.” I stood silent, my heart beating hard against my chest, and raised one hand to touch the lips that so coldly had spoken those words. The warmth from his breath touched my fingertips, contrasting with the cold of his skin. I still remembered the feeling of the gentle kiss he’d given me the night before and, even after hearing what he’d just said, I still couldn’t help wanting to feel it again. However, the words I’d been restraining since before were still persistently tumbling around my brain, and I hated myself even more for not being able to contain them. “But not Steph,” I muttered and he seemed surprised for an instant, pulling away from my touch. “You shouldn’t say things like that, Mariane. Not when I’m trying this hard to behave,” he grunted, but I wasn’t up to letting him escape my question, since I’d had been shameless enough to bring it up in the first place. “She was different,” I insisted and Gabriel sighed. “Of course she was. She was important to you.” “Is that all?” I pressed on and he seemed amused. “That’s all. In truth I never even raised a single finger to touch her. And besides, if she were an important existence to me, I wouldn’t be here with you.” My heart responded automatically to his words. “Because I’m important to you,” I tried, looking for a confirmation, and his expression became almost grave. “Yes.” Inexplicably, his soft whisper brought pain to my chest, even though he’d just said what I’d been wanting to hear, and I found myself unable to believe his words. “Prove it,” I demanded and was immediately silent. Those words, those were the same words Michael had said to me, what he had asked of me. Something, anything more concrete than mere beautiful words. Something that I’d been unable to give him. I was pulled to a side by my blouse, which startled me and dragged me away from my bleak thoughts, and I lost my balance, ending up sitting on his leg. The cold fingers that touched my face made me jump, since I hadn’t realized how close we were. And I blinked, still trying to make sense of what had just happened. “What did I just tell you? About the things you shouldn’t say?” he asked in a deep voice that left me completely dazed, and his crooked smile was all the warning I got before he pulled me again by the fabric of my blouse, making me fall backwards. I lost my breath somewhere before hitting the soft quilt of my bed and watched in panic when he leaned over me. My hands flexed nervously and all my trembling muscles became stiff. Gabriel smiled again, this time that amused smile of his that so many times had annoyed me in the past, and placed an elbow right beside my shoulder, resting his head on his hand to look at me. “So? What kind of proof are we requiring?” he asked me jokingly, and my heart almost jumped out of my chest. My legs were still hanging over his and, although he didn’t touch me otherwise, I still couldn’t move a single strand of hair. “Mariane, are you afraid of me?” I don’t know if it was the power of my name in his voice, or the implications of that question. But somehow I was able to break through the cold fear that blocked my mind and relax a bit. I raised a hand that wouldn’t stop shaking, almost thankful that that was my normal state when he was this close to me. The nervousness burning my stomach would have made me shiver anyway, which would have been even more embarrassing. I touched his face as he watched me completely motionless and smiled. And then, as if my touch had the power to bring statues back to life, I saw him move slowly, leaning over me, until his lips touched my forehead. I lost my breath at the soft electric touch of his skin and heard him sigh. “This is torture,” he muttered, but instead of pulling away, his lips slid down my face, caressing my skin, kissing me softly, making me gasp for air at each new touch. The tips of his cold fingers slid trembling over my neck and the notion that he could probably feel the thunder that was my heartbeat made me even more nervous. As if he’d read my thoughts, I heard him chuckle, and his lips touched my skin right below the curve of my chin. I shuddered as he kissed me and my heart jumped when his kiss became more intense, unlike the other feather-like kisses he’d given me where he barely touched me. His mouth was opening and closing over my throat, his teeth occasionally scraping my skin, and my body caught on fire, as I dug my hands in his hair to keep him close. I opened my mouth, searching for words that my mind refused to give and my gasping breath became embarrassingly audible. “Nyx,” I murmured, trying not to be swallowed by his intensity, and his cold fingers traced my clavicle, making me tingle at the contrast of his icy cold skin and his molting hot breath. Gabriel raised his head to look at me, releasing me form his incandescent kiss, and I was lost in the feverish glow of his eyes. His fingers slid down my chest, making the small buttons open at his passage, and stopped as he found the band of my bra, softly caressing the skin there, leaving me breathless. It was only when his cold hand slid under my blouse that I was finally able to react, and with a trembling hand I held his with all my strength, making it stop. I realized his feverish gaze was gone and his lips were softly kissing my bare chest. I pushed him back by one of his shoulders, even though I knew I would never be strong enough to do it, and the embarrassing moan that escaped my lips made me bite my tongue. His kiss was piercing me, as if he could really touch my heart, or even kiss my Soul. And my antagonist hand lost its strength and determination, freeing his and allowing his fingers to resume tracing lines of ice over my scalding skin. I felt completely lost, certainly unable to resist him, and, although I did long for his touch, the pain inside me made me sob. I knew I would be his right then, if he so wished, and I would be his of my own free will. And yet, fear coursed through my veins every time I wondered what would happen next, when he looked back at me and finally understood that, in the end, I was just as uninteresting as any other Human he’d met. Maybe he’d kill me then, and death didn’t sound all that bad. But, if he were to simply leave me behind, like how he’d done with Steph ... Despair took over me and, since I couldn’t push him away, I threw my arms around him and held him with all my strength. “Nyx! Stop. Please stop!” I sobbed, trying to coordinate my gasping breathing with words, and, at the sudden forced contact of my embrace, he pulled immediately away, supporting his weight on his hands; and I was sure he would be standing on the far side of my room if I had let go of his neck. We were silent for a moment, my lonely sobs echoing all around us, and still I wouldn’t let go, knowing that if I did he’d go somewhere far from where I was just so that I could calm down. Finally his lips touched my cheek in a light kiss, which unexpectedly made me relax and, when I opened my eyes, his worried expression surprised me so much I even forgot to sob. He smiled, seeing I’d regained my self-control and I couldn’t help blush. “I’m sorry, it was never my int ...” I placed a hand over his lips, silencing those words, and looked harshly at him. “Don’t be! I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for anything!” I told him and he kissed my fingers, making me recoil my hand instinctively. Gabriel laughed at my embarrassment and took a deep breath. “Really, I amaze myself ... with this my new found ability to resist you, even when I want you this much,” he declared and I caressed his skin only for the pleasure of feeling its strange, fresh texture under my hands. “I guess that I really don’t want you to cry or suffer because of me, after all. I just wish time could stop. But since I know it can’t be done, I wonder, how long will I be allowed to stay by your side? And, if I do stay by your side, how long will you be able to bear my presence, knowing I’m straying you away from your destined path?” “It’s the same. I also wonder how long you will find me ... interesting,” I confessed, using the word he so much appreciated. “I’m sure that there are many other Gaalgha around, many much more attractive than I am. I ask myself what right do I have to keep you here, when staying puts you in danger. Besides, time will pass for me, and I will grow old, but you, you will always be like this, inhumanely beautiful.” “Even if you die, I will never allow you to leave! And if you do return to this world, I will look for you everywhere, until I find you!” He spoke with such conviction that I couldn’t help laugh. It sounded like one of those promises that children make when they still believe effort and willpower will solve everything. I rose on my elbows and kissed him. I hadn’t planned to do it, and I didn’t think about it at the moment, but the statue that he immediately became made me uncomfortably aware of my actions. “I was about to say I’m sorry, but since I was just angry with you for saying it ...” I mumbled, averting my gaze, too aware of how awkward it all was and wishing I could hide in some deep hole. “Do it again.” I looked at him in disbelief and was mesmerized by the intensity of his gaze. I had been sure he’d just rejected me, and yet ... “Kiss me, Mariane.” His warm breath caressed my face with each word and I didn’t know how to refuse him, even if I wanted to. I pressed my lips against his in a soft and painfully innocent kiss that wasn’t more than a touch of lips against lips, but that still made me blush up to my ears. I pulled back, still apprehensive, and saw him opening his eyes, as if he’d just woken from a dream, and waited expectantly for his reaction. His soft laughter was disturbing, and embarrassing, and I felt my temperature rise. “You kiss like a child,” he told me, critically, and I buried my face in the quilt, refusing to keep looking at him. “You were the one who asked me to kiss you!” I grunted and he laughed again. “Yes. And I must confess you didn’t disappoint me one bit. It was exactly what I’d expected from you,” he went on and I gave him an angry look. “Well, I’m so sorry for my lack of experience! But at least I’m not afraid to touch you, unlike someone I know! And I’m sure you could feel my kiss, unlike the one you gave me yesterday,” I retorted and his smile became colder. “True, I’m afraid to touch you, because your body is too frail. But that’s not why I won’t kiss you.” I waited for him to explain and Gabriel sighed. “If I really kiss you, you’ll probably get addicted to me. And I will never be able to resist you if you throw yourself at me.” It was my turn to laugh. Of course, I still remembered what he’d said about that. But really! Didn’t he notice just how ridiculous it sounded when he said it like that? “Addicted to you?” I repeated, still laughing and took a deep breath. “I really like hearing you laugh like that near me,” he said with a delighted smile. “When I hear you laugh like that, I’m certain that you’re not pretending and that those tremors really don’t correspond to your feelings.” “So silly,” I grumbled. How he could still be hanging on those kinds of insecurity, after all we’d said and done, baffled me. “Just kiss me, Nyx,” I asked, just like he’d done, but he didn’t comply, looking at me with a serious expression, ending up sighing. “Mari, didn’t you hear a word of what I said?” he asked me with a patient tone and I nodded. “And?” “If I do get addicted to you, you have my permission to do with me as you please,” I allowed, as if I were signing a term of responsibility, and he frowned. “But it won’t be you! It will be the same as controlling your feelings!” he complained almost childishly and I couldn’t help smile, happily surprised. “Oh, I see. I didn’t know that that was so important to you,” I confessed and he looked even angrier. “Okay, then, you can tie me up and leave me here until I break out of my hangover, or whatever.” “You never take anything seriously.” “Yes I do. In fact, I’m taking this really seriously.” “All for one kiss?” “Your kiss,” I added and blushed again as his eyes seemed to glow. Gabriel leaned over me and I shivered when his breath touched my skin. “I promise I’ll tie you up,” he whispered, his lips caressing mine with each word, and he kissed me softly, just like he’d done before. I tried not to lose myself on the electric feeling of his skin, and tangled my fingers in his hair, looking for a more real contact. I felt as he hesitated for an instant, almost as if my initiative had caught him off guard, but when I thought he was going to pull away again, his mouth took over mine with such intensity that it sent my heart into a frenzy. His lips dragged mine, that didn’t know how to keep up with him, and his mouth invaded my mouth time and time again, as if it were a territory he’d decided to conquer. I was completely breathless at the slow but intense rhythm with which he repeatedly joined us together and I felt dizzy, almost about to faint. When he lazily pulled back, almost as if he were reluctant to do it, I had to fight ferociously against the impulse of using the hand that still caressed his hair to just keep him there, or better yet, to just pull him back to me. I looked up at him, still gasping for air, certain that he was watching me carefully, and unwillingly released him from my touch, smiling as I noticed that his pale lips had finally gained some color. “It would seem I’m immune to you,” I bragged, and he pulled back a bit more, taking a deep breath. “I’m not,” he declared, surprising me, but, before I could question him, the door of my room was suddenly opened, making me jump at the sound of a small bell. I sat up, still dizzy, blushing even deeper, and noticed that he was staring at us with a frighteningly serious expression. “Lea,” I started, but he ignored me and marched straight to Gabriel. “What did you do to her?” he demanded in such an angry tone of accusation that I was beyond stunned. “You promised you wouldn’t touch her!” His once-tender voice sounded threateningly dangerous, and I tried to explain it once more. “Lea ...” “Answer me!” he shouted over my voice and my gaze turned to Gabriel, afraid of what he might do, but he was still lying on his side, just as he’d been, looking at Lea as if he couldn’t even see him. As he didn’t answer him, Lea seemed to get even angrier, the hair on the back of his head starting to stand as his silver eyes glowed coldly, and I hurriedly grabbed him by his hand, and pulled him to me before he could do something really stupid. “I’m okay, Lea!” I told him, holding his childish face between my hands so that he had to look at me, and his sorrowful expression was enough to tell me he didn’t believe me for a second. “I’m really all right!” I insisted and he raised his small hand to gently touch my face in a comfort. “I’m sorry. I should’ve stayed closer,” he lamented with a sad look that seriously frustrated me. “Leabhan, you should really hear what she’s trying to say,” Gabriel whispered softly and Lea’s angry gaze shot immediately towards him with pure hostility. “I know what I saw!” he claimed once more in that grown-up tone, and I blushed again. “And I thought you said you didn’t want to make her do anything!” “Lea, he didn’t. He didn’t make me do anything,” I told him and his face was suddenly taken by an incredulous expression of surprise. “He ... didn’t?” I just shook my head and Gabriel stretched and yawned lazily. “Mari ...” He whispered my name still in disbelief, as if trying to process what I’d just told him. “Does that mean ... you like ... him?” he asked. “Yes. I do,” I admitted, too aware of Gabriel, staring at me, but Lea was still doubtful. “Really? I mean, you really like him?” I recalled Lea’s nature, his true origin, and smiled. “Yes.” A surprisingly huge smile brightened his entire face and he hugged me, his small arms wrapping around my neck. “That’s great, Mari! Now I’m not the only one!” he told me, laughing, and I felt relieved that he would accept all that mess so easily. I hadn’t known what to do if he’d been opposed to the idea of Gabriel and me together. And so an already embarrassing situation had just become even more embarrassing! “I also like you very much!” he said, looking at me with that bright smile of his, and I lined a few disarrayed strands of his hair. “I like you too,” I replied and his mischievous smile was all the warning I needed, although I could never be fast enough to react in time. With a sudden inhuman strength, Lea’s small hands pulled me closer and he kissed my lips, just like he’d done when we’d established our agreement. “Suileabhan!!” The thunder of that voice made my stomach squirm and, in the next instant, Lea was no longer standing in front of me but tangled in Gabriel’s arms, which threatened to strangle him. The child laughed, kicking the air as he tried to free himself, and I looked at the both of them, still wondering if Gabriel was joking or serious. “How dare you? Only I can kiss Mari!” he stated with all conviction, baffling me with his ability to say something like that out loud and with such a straight face. “But I was the one who kissed her first!” Lea countered, still laughing, and Gabriel looked at me stunned. “What!” “We made an agreement,” I explained, amused at the persistent way Gabriel kept holding onto him, although Lea was kicking and waving his arms all over the place. “What agreement?” “It’s a secret! It’s a secret, right, Mari?” Lea said, his childish voice filling the room and I smiled. “That’s right.” Gabriel pulled Lea by the collar of his sweater as if he really were a cat and looked at him, threateningly. “What agreement?” he inquired. “That she may hide things from me, there’s nothing I can do. But, you ...?” Lea seemed to calm down and took a deep breath, tired from all that laughing. “So?” he insisted and, with a quick movement, Lea licked his face. “Master, are you angry at me?” he murmured and Gabriel frowned. “Don’t change the subject!” “But ... I said all those things,” Lea went on in a shy, regretting voice, and Gabriel ended up sighing. “I’m not angry at you, Suileabhan. I know Mari is important to you and that you were only trying to protect her.” “I’m so glad!” Lea said with a bright smile back on his face. “But what the heck is going on here?” Alexander’s demanding voice made me jump to my feet, and only then did I notice the undone buttons of my blouse. In an immediate gesture, I turned my back to the door and re-buttoned them as fast as I could. “I send the cat to call you and all I hear is screaming and laughter.” I ran my hands over my face to make sure everything was as it should be, and then I saw Jonathan, right behind Alexander, staring fixedly at me, which Alexander seemed to notice. “Jonathan was too worried about your burnt roast and literally massacred me into using Magic to make it eatable, again,” Alexander declared and the boy took a step back, lowering his head, obviously embarrassed. “Since we agreed no powers in the house so to not draw too much attention, and since he wouldn’t shut up, we went shopping and tried to duplicate your recipe.” I blinked in complete disbelief. “Of course, neither of us is that experienced in kitchen matters, but by the looks of things, it doesn’t seem all that bad.” “And I was coming to tell you that lunch is ready,” Lea added, still smiling, and Gabriel stood up with his usual slow movements, carrying Lea under his arm as if he were no more than a sack of potatoes. Lea squealed and laughed again, kicking at the air, but Gabriel just went on, as if he couldn’t even feel him. “Let’s go then,” he simply said, but his violet eyes looked amused, even pleased, at the sound of Lea’s laughter. Alexander stepped to the side to let him through, and followed him, poking the ‘cat’ and nagging him, telling him that he did look like a sack of potatoes. I was finally able to stop trembling and walked to the door, warning myself that the truce would be brief. And then noticed that Jonathan had stayed behind, waiting for me. I smiled awkwardly, remembering that no matter what I did he had always refused to talk to me all this time, and looked for something smart to say. “Thank you. You really didn’t have to worry about it,” I pointed out, but he looked at me with an intimidating expression. “Mariane, if you are thinking about running away, now is the time! You should do it while you still can,” he added in a whisper. The smile that up till then had stubbornly persisted on my lips withered away. “Your Guardian is about to wake up. And when he does, the life you now know, all this, will be over,” he said without the shadow of a doubt and turned to walk away towards the stairs, leaving me behind still confused about what I’d just heard. I just couldn’t understand how, just seconds ago, I’d felt so happy and fulfilled, and now those simple words had stolen it all away, leaving me cold and empty. Previous Chapter Next Chapter [DISPLAY_ULTIMATE_SOCIAL_ICONS]... Read more...
- Chapter 13 – Day 6 – Part 5
  May 31, 2019Book 1 / Chapter 13 / Chapters Chapter 26 MAZ – The Vision of the Middle Pillar. Arrow. The Mystery Of Atheism.1 – “How can I escape this bitter Destiny. From one side the light that touches my face ... From the other the shadow that envelops me in its embrace ... And since I don’t know how to live without the light, or how to survive without the shadow, everything in me is tearing apart, reducing me to an amorphous tired bundle of a person.” Part 1 No one was home when we returned, and I supposed that Lea and Alexander were roaming the streets in search of Telane. Gabriel left me in my room, promising in a soft whisper he’d be back soon, and I found myself standing there, in the same exact place he’d left me, my eyes fixed on the door, awaiting his return. I only relaxed when I saw him back at the door and his surprised expression, as he noticed I hadn’t moved an inch, left me embarrassed. In slow steps that made me tremble as he passed by me, he crossed the room and placed the tray he’d been carrying on my desk. “You need to eat,” he stated in that tone that didn’t allow further discussion, and stepped back, leaning against the wall on the other side, so that I could avoid my tremors. I looked at what he’d brought me and smiled at the fuming plate of soup, accompanied by two slices of toast and a tall glass of peach juice. No more chocolate cookies, I thought, sitting down and taking a long sip of my favorite juice. As always he’d been right. I was starving. And yet, his presence there, in my room, was much more important than any plate of food. And so, as soon as I put down my glass, I turned back to look at him, just to make sure he was still there, although I could clearly feel his presence in the air around us. I just sat there for a moment watching him, my heart beating too fast, although he was far enough to spare me from my usual symptoms. His hair was back to being short again, but his eyes were still violet, and his face was so perfect that I wished I could touch it. I blushed, too embarrassed by my own thoughts, but still couldn’t look away. “Eat,” he commanded once again, but my fear of him not being there the next time I turned back spoke even louder than his order impossible to disobey. “And you? Will you stay?” “You rather I go?” “No!” The immediacy of my answer left us both in silence. I lowered my gaze, regretting having talked before thinking, and took a deep breath. “But I know you want to go after Telane,” I added and shuddered at the idea. “Sigweardiel and Lea are looking for her,” he simply replied and I found myself smiling again. “You’ll stay then.” “As long as you want me to stay.” His indifferent tone didn’t go unnoticed. “What about you? What do you want?” I insisted, determined not to let him avoid my initial question, and Gabriel looked away, and didn’t answer. Which really irked me and made words I didn’t mean sprout out of my lips. “Just go then! Go after her! Since it seems she doesn’t even want to kill you! She wants you to win this war and be with her!” His incredulous expression made me even angrier. I turned my back on him, grabbing the spoon, and filled my mouth with scalding soup. I was immediately embarrassed by my own words. I couldn’t even understand why I felt so angry! “I think you’re mistaken,” he finally said in his lustrous voice as I stuffed my mouth with the forth spoonful of mushroom soup. “It may be true that she wants me to win this war. But Telane does not wish to belong to anyone. This is precisely her only chance to free herself from that destiny. She knows I won’t claim her, even if I win.” I didn’t answer and kept swallowing my soup. Then I turned to the toast and devoured voraciously, as if stuffing my mouth with food could prevent me from spitting out any more nonsense. I almost choked at the speed I ate and had to resort to a few more long sips of peach juice to push it all down. “Mariane? Are you angry?” His uncertain, somewhat worried, tone caught me off guard and I put down the glass. “Yes. At myself ... for being such an idiot, and childish, and unable to think before I speak.” I turned to look at him. He smiled condescendingly. “You’re tired. You need to rest.” Although I wished I could contradict him once more, I knew he was right. And yet, even though I knew I was being childish again, I found myself exactly in the same point I’d been when our talk had begun. “And you?” I asked, embarrassed, and he smiled gently. “I’ll stay here.” “The whole night?” “Yes. That’s also what I want.” I smiled in a silly explosion of happiness and, completely forgetting my aching muscles, jumped from my chair and grabbed my pajamas, running towards the door. “Be right back!” I told him, completely ignoring his puzzled look, and ran out again. I went to the bathroom and changed clothes as fast as I could, washing my face and brushing my teeth at the speed of light. I stopped for an instant before my image on the mirror and, for a split second, was able to question the righteousness of my actions. I turned off the water and took a deep breath. Even while trying to think about what I should do, I still couldn’t stop worrying if he’d still be there when I returned. I went back to the room in a more normal pace and stopped by the door to look inside. Relief washed over me when I found him standing exactly where I’d left him, and the way he looked at me made feel embarrassingly conscious of myself. I walked in small but fast steps to my bed and his low-chuckled laughter made me cringe as if he were about to attack me. “Really. And here I wondered why you had left so hurriedly,” he commented. “As to be expected, only you could wear a thing like that. It’s unbelievable. A female your age wearing pajamas with bears!” He mocked, still laughing, and if I’d been embarrassed before, I could almost dig my own grave and bury myself at that. I pulled my cotton top down, as if it could cover me from head to toe, and slid under the protection of my quilt, trying to escape his evil gaze. “I’ve always worn pajamas like this!” I contested, defensively. “And besides, I’m no female! I’m just a girl!” I added, displeased with that denomination, as though he were putting me together with all the females he had known before. “Yes, but a girl with no sense of sensuality whatsoever,” he replied with a sorrowful tone, and I pulled the quilt around me, watching him suspiciously, which made him laugh again. “Well, I’m really sorry for that!” I grunted. “But since you already know that, you could at least return me my clothes!” I added and he looked surprised. “Still hanging on that? What do you want them for? Your new clothes fit you much better.” I averted my gaze and buried my chin on the quilt. “Those things are all too thin and too delicate for me,” I complained. “I feel like I could be naked at any time. It’s really stressful, always worrying if I won’t end up tearing something.” “Nonsense. Everything fits you perfectly. After all, I was the one who picked them," he added impossibly smug. Over time I’d come to understand that whenever that pride thing of his came into play, there was no use arguing. “But, if you want, I can always get you some new pajamas.” Even though he was clearly joking, I still jumped in panic. “No way!” I refused immediately, trying to picture what kinds of small pieces of fabric would be acceptable pajamas in his mind, and was immediately sorry I’d tried, too shocked with my own imagination. Gabriel gave me one of his evil crooked smiles, which made me really restless, and I made plans to hide all my bear and sheep pajamas in the morning. “Sleep now. You have to rest,” he told me softly and I couldn’t stop my insecurity from coming back. He seemed to notice it as well, and so he just bent down and sat on the floor, his back against the wall, just like I’d found him when I’d woken the day before. “I’ll stay here till dawn. Unless you’re unable to sleep with me so close to you.” I lay down as quickly as I could and pulled the quilt up to my ears. “See you tomorrow,” I told him, making sure there wouldn’t be even the slightest chance of arguing his last supposition and he smiled. “Sleep well, Mariane.” Previous Chapter Next Chapter [DISPLAY_ULTIMATE_SOCIAL_ICONS]... Read more...
- Chapter 13 – Day 6 – Part 3
  May 31, 2019Book 1 / Chapter 13 / Chapters Chapter 26 MAZ – The Vision of the Middle Pillar. Arrow. The Mystery Of Atheism.1 – “How can I escape this bitter Destiny. From one side the light that touches my face ... From the other the shadow that envelops me in its embrace ... And since I don’t know how to live without the light, or how to survive without the shadow, everything in me is tearing apart, reducing me to an amorphous tired bundle of a person.” Part 1 No one was home when we returned, and I supposed that Lea and Alexander were roaming the streets in search of Telane. Gabriel left me in my room, promising in a soft whisper he’d be back soon, and I found myself standing there, in the same exact place he’d left me, my eyes fixed on the door, awaiting his return. I only relaxed when I saw him back at the door and his surprised expression, as he noticed I hadn’t moved an inch, left me embarrassed. In slow steps that made me tremble as he passed by me, he crossed the room and placed the tray he’d been carrying on my desk. “You need to eat,” he stated in that tone that didn’t allow further discussion, and stepped back, leaning against the wall on the other side, so that I could avoid my tremors. I looked at what he’d brought me and smiled at the fuming plate of soup, accompanied by two slices of toast and a tall glass of peach juice. No more chocolate cookies, I thought, sitting down and taking a long sip of my favorite juice. As always he’d been right. I was starving. And yet, his presence there, in my room, was much more important than any plate of food. And so, as soon as I put down my glass, I turned back to look at him, just to make sure he was still there, although I could clearly feel his presence in the air around us. I just sat there for a moment watching him, my heart beating too fast, although he was far enough to spare me from my usual symptoms. His hair was back to being short again, but his eyes were still violet, and his face was so perfect that I wished I could touch it. I blushed, too embarrassed by my own thoughts, but still couldn’t look away. “Eat,” he commanded once again, but my fear of him not being there the next time I turned back spoke even louder than his order impossible to disobey. “And you? Will you stay?” “You rather I go?” “No!” The immediacy of my answer left us both in silence. I lowered my gaze, regretting having talked before thinking, and took a deep breath. “But I know you want to go after Telane,” I added and shuddered at the idea. “Sigweardiel and Lea are looking for her,” he simply replied and I found myself smiling again. “You’ll stay then.” “As long as you want me to stay.” His indifferent tone didn’t go unnoticed. “What about you? What do you want?” I insisted, determined not to let him avoid my initial question, and Gabriel looked away, and didn’t answer. Which really irked me and made words I didn’t mean sprout out of my lips. “Just go then! Go after her! Since it seems she doesn’t even want to kill you! She wants you to win this war and be with her!” His incredulous expression made me even angrier. I turned my back on him, grabbing the spoon, and filled my mouth with scalding soup. I was immediately embarrassed by my own words. I couldn’t even understand why I felt so angry! “I think you’re mistaken,” he finally said in his lustrous voice as I stuffed my mouth with the forth spoonful of mushroom soup. “It may be true that she wants me to win this war. But Telane does not wish to belong to anyone. This is precisely her only chance to free herself from that destiny. She knows I won’t claim her, even if I win.” I didn’t answer and kept swallowing my soup. Then I turned to the toast and devoured voraciously, as if stuffing my mouth with food could prevent me from spitting out any more nonsense. I almost choked at the speed I ate and had to resort to a few more long sips of peach juice to push it all down. “Mariane? Are you angry?” His uncertain, somewhat worried, tone caught me off guard and I put down the glass. “Yes. At myself ... for being such an idiot, and childish, and unable to think before I speak.” I turned to look at him. He smiled condescendingly. “You’re tired. You need to rest.” Although I wished I could contradict him once more, I knew he was right. And yet, even though I knew I was being childish again, I found myself exactly in the same point I’d been when our talk had begun. “And you?” I asked, embarrassed, and he smiled gently. “I’ll stay here.” “The whole night?” “Yes. That’s also what I want.” I smiled in a silly explosion of happiness and, completely forgetting my aching muscles, jumped from my chair and grabbed my pajamas, running towards the door. “Be right back!” I told him, completely ignoring his puzzled look, and ran out again. I went to the bathroom and changed clothes as fast as I could, washing my face and brushing my teeth at the speed of light. I stopped for an instant before my image on the mirror and, for a split second, was able to question the righteousness of my actions. I turned off the water and took a deep breath. Even while trying to think about what I should do, I still couldn’t stop worrying if he’d still be there when I returned. I went back to the room in a more normal pace and stopped by the door to look inside. Relief washed over me when I found him standing exactly where I’d left him, and the way he looked at me made feel embarrassingly conscious of myself. I walked in small but fast steps to my bed and his low-chuckled laughter made me cringe as if he were about to attack me. “Really. And here I wondered why you had left so hurriedly,” he commented. “As to be expected, only you could wear a thing like that. It’s unbelievable. A female your age wearing pajamas with bears!” He mocked, still laughing, and if I’d been embarrassed before, I could almost dig my own grave and bury myself at that. I pulled my cotton top down, as if it could cover me from head to toe, and slid under the protection of my quilt, trying to escape his evil gaze. “I’ve always worn pajamas like this!” I contested, defensively. “And besides, I’m no female! I’m just a girl!” I added, displeased with that denomination, as though he were putting me together with all the females he had known before. “Yes, but a girl with no sense of sensuality whatsoever,” he replied with a sorrowful tone, and I pulled the quilt around me, watching him suspiciously, which made him laugh again. “Well, I’m really sorry for that!” I grunted. “But since you already know that, you could at least return me my clothes!” I added and he looked surprised. “Still hanging on that? What do you want them for? Your new clothes fit you much better.” I averted my gaze and buried my chin on the quilt. “Those things are all too thin and too delicate for me,” I complained. “I feel like I could be naked at any time. It’s really stressful, always worrying if I won’t end up tearing something.” “Nonsense. Everything fits you perfectly. After all, I was the one who picked them," he added impossibly smug. Over time I’d come to understand that whenever that pride thing of his came into play, there was no use arguing. “But, if you want, I can always get you some new pajamas.” Even though he was clearly joking, I still jumped in panic. “No way!” I refused immediately, trying to picture what kinds of small pieces of fabric would be acceptable pajamas in his mind, and was immediately sorry I’d tried, too shocked with my own imagination. Gabriel gave me one of his evil crooked smiles, which made me really restless, and I made plans to hide all my bear and sheep pajamas in the morning. “Sleep now. You have to rest,” he told me softly and I couldn’t stop my insecurity from coming back. He seemed to notice it as well, and so he just bent down and sat on the floor, his back against the wall, just like I’d found him when I’d woken the day before. “I’ll stay here till dawn. Unless you’re unable to sleep with me so close to you.” I lay down as quickly as I could and pulled the quilt up to my ears. “See you tomorrow,” I told him, making sure there wouldn’t be even the slightest chance of arguing his last supposition and he smiled. “Sleep well, Mariane.” Previous Chapter Next Chapter [DISPLAY_ULTIMATE_SOCIAL_ICONS]... Read more...

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