“A Wheel that turns according to a Law.
The Cause-Effect and the Compensation.
The Beginning of a New Tide.
The Awakening of a New Storm.”
- The Prophet of Truth
Alexis stopped restlessly pacing back and forth.
Really, he had to be completely out of his mind! What in the world was he doing there, when he should be at home, allowing himself a good night sleep in order to heal his poisoned, broken body? As if the crime he’d committed in that moment of complete insanity hadn’t been heavy enough! He insisted in worsening his situation even further.
When he’d left her house, the night before. he’d sworn he’d never cross her path again. The atrocities he’d subjected her to were a clear sign of just how much his sanity had deteriorated. Only the despise he was still able to feel towards himself assured him that it wasn’t too late to embrace a dignified and honorable end. Because as long as he was able to condemn his own actions, no matter how barbaric they may be, at least there was still something left of him amidst the ever growing madness.
And yet, the truth was that he had hardly managed to stay in bed during the day. And as soon as the sun had set, what had been mere impatience had become a fierce irritation that sent a restless tingling throughout his entire body.
He hadn’t had to think or to try hard to reach that place. He’d been able to find it with his eyes closed. And now there he was, standing outside some restaurant’s door, fighting his own will, torn between the desire to see her again and the certainty that doing so would be the worst mistake of his life.
Once more the voice of reason reminded him of his decision to put an end to his own existence, which was obviously the most honorable and correct thing to do, taking into account his present state of mind. That was, after all, what he’d decided to do as soon as he managed enough freedom to allow him to decide his own fate. And yet there he was, clearly alive. And all because of that woman! Which could even be understandable, if she were one of those amazing beauties able to inflame a man’s deepest sexual desires with just one glance …! But no! She was short, too skinny for his taste, without any of the sensual curves that would normally capture his attention. Her light-brown hair, falling straight over her shoulders, was absolutely normal, and her brown-greenish eyes had looked at him with cold distrust.
And yet she filled him completely, almost making him choke, just like one of those experimental concoctions they’d injected him with during the last few weeks. Alexis hated her and despised her, the same way he hated and despised the entire Human Race. The anger that burned his chest demanded he destroy her, her and everyone else inside that restaurant. And yet … He could still feel the perfume of her skin. The warmth of her soft body when he’d carried her. The way she seemed to completely fit in his arms as if she’d been made to belong in his embrace. And of course, the beating of her heart against his lips, strong, determined, and yet so frail.
His mind had no doubt that ending his own life was the correct thing to do, and the fact that he hadn’t been able to stop himself from going to that place only reinforced that knowledge. And yet, although up until the night before death had always seemed like true salvation, now his entire being seemed to refuse that option.
Alexis took a hand to his left cheek, where the intricate silver lines that marked his skin still burned as if made of incandescent fire.
He’d committed the most terrible and unforgivable of acts, he recalled, and immediately the feelings he nurtured against the entire Human Race turned against himself. He could never be forgiven and there was no doubt in his mind that his sentence would be death, but it would seem he’d gotten so lost that he was no longer able to choose the rightful path. With a sarcastic smile he admitted with bitterness that he’d have to entrust that heavy burden to one of his Brothers, and he couldn’t help feel sorry that not even in his last moments he was able to do the right thing.
And yet all that had to wait, for now. For no matter how much he wished otherwise, he simply wasn’t able to turn around and walk away from that place. He would see her one last time and then yes, he’d go in search of someone who still had the strength he already lacked.