– The Slave-Gods superseded.
The Vision of the Stl of Revealing,
abolishing the Aeon of the Slave-Gods1 –
“I smile ironically before my own lie.
I look at the world around me searching for someone that will be able to see beyond my make-believe act. But no one sees me... no one listens...
no one feels me... and so, in a mute scream, I fall in this dark precipice...
and I go insane.”
“That was quite the lunch break,” Steph whispered while our English teacher continued her lesson ignoring the overall chatter. “I saw you two talking, all alone, by yourselves!” she added, her eyes gleaming with expectation.
“We weren’t alone,” I corrected. “The others were also there.”
“Yeah, yeah, miles away, I saw,” she insisted with a smile that implied much more than it had really happened. “Your cousin is really amazing!”
“What does he have to do with anything?”
“Oh, come on, he was keeping the other sharks at bay, right? So you could have Michael Heaton all to yourself. He really tries hard!” I averted my gaze, frowning, annoyed at her tone of admiration. Admiration or that thing!
By the end of English class Mark was waiting for Steph by the door. She went to him and waved at us, before they left together.
“That’s really becoming a serious business,” Joanne observed with a mischievous smile and I nodded, agreeing.
“She looks happy.”
“Yeah. But when I asked her if she was thinking about dating him she told me that she still didn’t know. He’s completely into her,” Joanne added sounding impatient with Steph’s indecision.
“Well, she has all the time in the world to think about it.”
I returned home alone, and relieved to do so. It was enough having to walk with him in the morning.
The house was empty. Well, not quite empty, as Lea came running to the door as soon as I closed it, his bell announcing him from a distance. I picked him up and took him to the kitchen.
“I brought you food,” I told the kitten dropping my shopping bag on the table. “I don’t know how long you’ll be staying with us, but you’ll have to eat, right? For now, please get by with this.” I poured some dry food in a small bowl. “I promise I’ll cook something better for you latter.” Lea practically jumped inside the bowl when I placed it on the ground and started eating.
I decided to take a bath, anxious to get rid of those strange clothes and feeling really happy to be able to put on one of my old tracksuits. Afterwards I went down to the living room. I had no other choice, I thought as I looked at all the scattered bags. It was that or going to school in my pajamas. So I started carrying them up to my room, which meant going up and down more than a dozen times. I was halfway over my task when I noticed the pile of blankets my mother had lent Gabriel so he could sleep in the living room. He’d told me he needed to sleep but I’d never managed to gather enough courage to come down at night and check on him, just to make sure if he was really there, sleeping like any other Human Being. He could even spend his nights elsewhere, for all I knew.
When I finished taking all the bags upstairs the mess from the living room had been transferred to my room and, with a sigh, I started to fill the empty spaces.
There were pants, skirts and shorts, all mid season and Summer clothes, as if expecting the sunny days yet to come. There were also some warmer clothes, but nothing heavy or thick, like my Winter clothes had been. The fabrics were all soft and light. The colors ... were all colors I’d never even consider using! The skirts were mostly short, except two that were longer. The blouses had beautiful necklines, and different cuts, and ribbons. And, among them was the one Steph had made me buy the last time we’d gone out. It’s V like neckline would certainly go down my depressing plain chest, but apparently that had been my only piece of clothing that had received his stamp of approval. ‘To hell with the both of them!’
There were stockings and knee high socks and, besides the shoes I’d wore that day, there were another four extra pairs. I looked at the collection that hardly fit in my wardrobe and was sure there were more shoes there than I would ever wear in my entire life.
There were also coats, some short, others longer, all soft and comfy looking. In the last bag I found two scarves with gloves and beanies to match. I put one on and laughed at how silly I looked in the mirror.
And yet ... and yet I had also thought I looked silly in the clothes I wore that day, but Michael had told me I looked great.
I blushed and quickly put the rest of the clothes away. I looked at my refilled wardrobe and a frown marked my forehead.
Now that I looked at it as a whole I could easily tell the dominant style. There were bows and ribbons, small patterns and laces. The cuts were all delicate, the fabrics flowing. I recalled what Steph had told me, about how frail I looked, and ground my teeth. Apparently he agreed with her, and thought the best thing to do was to dress me like a doll! In my anger I almost thought the two of them were secretly meeting to discuss that kind of stuff! And then I stopped, as my anger went ice cold when I realized I’d started to think of him the same way I thought about Steph. And he was nothing like Steph! He was nothing like us!
After putting everything away I was faced with a new dilemma - to study or to read the book Michael had lent me. I didn’t have to think too hard about that one, and reading Michael’s book won by majority.
Not long after, Lea’s bell echoed in the corridor and across my room, and the little kitten jumped into my bed, curling up near my arm. I laughed, happy to have his company, and read him some of the poems out loud. Lea seemed to listen attentively, his ears turning here and there.
It was already dark when I went down to cook dinner. He hadn’t returned yet but, even so, and despite everything, I made some extra food which I left over the stove.
After dinner I decided to check my e-mail, anxious to get news from my mom.
She’d arrived well and everything was great. They’d picked her up at the airport in a car with a chauffeur and the hotel room where she was staying was apparently bigger than our house. She then went on describing in detail her arrival, following an endless list of questions - how was I doing; if I was eating well; if I was going to school; if I was being nice to Gabriel; if I’d taken out the garbage. After which followed another list, this time of recommendations, most of which she’d already told me in person, before leaving.
I answered her long e-mail with a much shorter one. I told her everything was fine and reminded her that she’d just left the other day. She had nothing to worry about, I’d take care of everything. Besides Gabriel was here too, I added knowing that it would make her feel better. I sent kisses and lots of love and pushed the send button. From that one example I could already foretell her next e-mails were bound to contain an endless cry of how much she missed me, but still I’d be happy to read them.
I laid down and took a deep breath. I felt tired and knew the right thing to do was get some sleep. Lea curled up near my pillow once again and looked at me with expectant silver eyes. Shamelessly using him as excuse, I grabbed Michael’s book to read a few more poems out loud.